l o s t i n t r a n s l a t i o n

You confuse me so much. I have no idea why your so upset that has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me and an old friend. I understand your concerned, I understand you don't want me to get hurt. But I don't understand why you can't just be happy. I don't understand why you sound like you want to kill yourself. There is no reason for you to be acting like this.

Your mad because several events happened in the past that hurt me. Guess what, that's the past. Not now. This is present time, and things are different. People are different. Hell, even I'm different. I know what I'm doing and I'm not stupid.

I just wish you'd trust my judgement a little better. I mean this is putting a strain on us for no reason. And I don't like it. I want to talk to you so bad, but I can't talk to you when your like this. It just makes me more upset and angry.

I love you so much, and I'm sorry for being pissy about this. But really, get over it.
Your a huge part of my life, and your not going anywhere, it may be your business, since I think my business is your business and vice versa, but really. You shouldn't be so upset.

I love you, never forget.

looking back

Looking back on all these posts from the last year. I've learned something.
I've changed alot. Like, alot alot.

Its weird. When I thought I was happy, I actually wasnt. I thought all these random boys made me happy, when all they really did was make me a mess. I'm happy I found Chris. He put me back together. Cliche, I know. But it's kindof true. I haven't thought about alot of these events since last year. But just for the record. I WAS NOT HAPPY A YEAR AGO. Well, I guess I was, but not as happy as I am now. December 26th 2009 was the changing point that made me happy. Thanks assholes for tricking me into shit.

But thank you Chris. I love you<3

what did i do to deserve?

I'm so happy that nothing is the same as last year.

Last year I thought was good. I remember this time last year, I thought I was happy and everything was great, but really I was tricked into thinking I was cared about when really I wasn't. This year is totally different. I have someone that cares about me unconditionally and someone I can just be myself around. I know times are rough sometimes, but honestly, I can never lose you. I couldn't handle it.

Your everything I've ever wanted. Your everything I need. Your everything I want.
Please love me forever. Just like I'll love you. Lets grow old together, and be little old
people reminicing about when we were young. Lets just run away together when times
get hard, and remember why we love eachother. Lets just live everyday together like
its our last day together. <3

Christopher Sisneroz, I love you.

n e v e r k n o w s b e s t

Its like I don't even know you anymore. I'm trying to remember the you I thought you were. The adorable you, the one who didn't get mad at me for everything. The one I could lay with for hours doing nothing except enjoying eachothers company.

I miss everything being so carefree and amazing. Right now I'm thinking of our hands entwined and our fingers interlocked. I'm thinking about your face, and how your brown eyes crinkle whenever your with me. When we're laying together and our heartbeats synchronize, and its just like one big giant heart, don't you remember? My favorite thing was waking up next to you, with your loving arms around me and just knowing you're there. I don't know what happened, we were so strong, now its like we're falling apart.

Don't you get that I need you? That your everything I've ever wanted? Now I don't even know what happened. Its like nothing I ever do is right anymore. I pick the wrong friends and I mess up all the time. You know its funny that your ex did all the same things, yet you'd stay with her even if she was fucking other guys. And if I'm even FRIENDS with a guy you can't trust it makes you want to break up with me.

I don't feel like me anymore. Everything hurts way too much. I want this, but I don't know if I can deal with this.

I love you, you know. But how long will you love me?

the perfect scene

I love being with you
I love the simplest things with you
I love when you wrap your arms around me
I love when you give me kisses
I love waking up next to you
I love hearing your voice while I fall asleep
I love when you buy me McDoubles
I love when your hand is in mine

I love you, more than anything

blah

Tomorrow it's been two months since you asked me out. Possibly the best two months of my life so far. I'm just so happy lately. Time is just flying by.

I'm still worried about school and if I'll graduate next year, I really just need to work harder and not fail everything like I have been doing. I just need to get out of my house really soon, and in order to do that I need to graduate and go to college. But at least school is the only thing I need to worry about lately.

that should be enough

Things are so good. I've been looking back at the past and today I realized I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been.

I'm so content at where I am in life right now. Except for school everythings kindof just flowing together perfectly.

Valentines Day

Its Valentines Day, the day of love. I usually hate it, I mean you should show you love someone everyday, not just one day a year. But this year, its not bothering me this much. This year I know I have someone who loves me, because he DOES show it everyday, not just once a year. Hopefully this day is great this year.

don't ever let life pass you by

You bring out the best in me, and I'm so happy.


I've been looking back at all my old post from the summer and I realized something. I didn't love you and you didn't break my heart. You just drove me crazy. Hopefully I never get like that again. When I look back at my last two relationships- my only two relationships before this one, I don't get it. I don't get why I thought I was in love. I wasn't treated right, I deserve better and I finally found better. I think this time I can say 'I love you' and mean it. Becasue I've never felt like this in my life. Best.feeling.ever? Yes.

Vernon, CT

These past few entries have been about how happy I am. Trust me, I'm happy, I'm so happy and mostly everythings going great. But I'm going crazy being stuck in this town. I can't stand half the people and school sucks, and I just need to do better so I can get the fuck out of Vernon. I have no problem with Connecticut, I want to stay in CT at least for college, then I'll see where that takes me. But Vernon? Almost everyone I've met from here means nothing to me, I have a handful of friends from here that I love and can spend time with, but other than that, I really don't give a fuck.

Hopefully this town will start growing on me.

um

I'm really truly happy these days. Aside from high school dragging on and my parents. I've found some really great friends and an amazing boyfriend. They're whats keeping me going. I'm just hoping everything stays good.

ily

You make me the happiest girl ever. I love you

so happy

I had a great birthday, I spent the day with Chris and Adrian obviously! Everythings great lately. And I'm just so happy.


I like that this is turning into something great.

WELL NOW

My birthdays in a couple days, I hope its a good one.

It probably will be! Everythings been going great lately, I love it.

(:

I'm still really happy. I really like how things have been going the past few weeks.

fml

I've been home sick for the past four days. I missed my bestfriends last week of school. I'm not allowed to go out at all this weekend. This sucks.

hook, line, and sinker

I'm so happy lately, and its all because of you. I'm glad I like you so much and I'm glad you like me as much as I like you. I'm so happy that I'm yours finally! I don't really know what else to say, words can't describe it I guess. But I'm finally happy, the happiest I've been since June. And its great.