In Fear & Faith

I have great friends, an obnoxiously great boyfriend, and a pretty good family. But it seems that I'm pushing them away just because I'm stupid sometimes. I shouldn't feel like this when my life is so great, ya know? But I still do and I hate it.

I just wanna go back to being the happiest I ever was.

Even though it was only a few weeks ago, it seems like its been forever. And I don't want it to seem like forever. I want to be happy now.

And ya know what else? I miss the old days, where everyone got along, and there was no hate, and everything was just so together. Since January it hasn't felt like that. I'm just getting more distant from the people that I used to be so close with. Like one person I'm okay with not being close with anymore ; He would just fuck up my life, and I don't need that. But like my old best friends, I just want them back. They meant everything to me and now it seems like I've changed, and they've changed. Some of them have moved and others have just gotten distant, and we hardly even talk anymore. Man, last year was so much easier. It seems the only good thing about this year is Justin. He just makes it easier when I feel bad about everything.

But who knows, I'll just have to take life as it comes at me.